She held my hand until the last second, until we rounded the corner but right then her world was complete. She took off through a crowd of people because we saw him at the same time. She flew off that last step straight into his arms, knowing he would catch her. I caught up and he gave me a quick hug and we went to find a bench.
I’m sure we looked nothing out of the ordinary sitting there on a beautiful evening. People walking by would have thought we were just any other family. Dustin looked over his glasses at me while Bear talked non-stop, trying to catch us up on everything possible. She held Dustin’s hand and rubbed my arm, she always has this thing for touching my skin.
We acknowledged with silent looks that we now had a ten-year-old sitting between us. We discussed so much on the phone the day before as we were what the other needed on the actually day of her birthday. Only the second birthday we had never been with her for. It was an early call as we drove ourselves to work, both pretending not to be crying as we talked about the the little fat pudge she used to be.
But at this point it was okay. She was whole, she was here, she was happy. To anyone else we were a normal family that hadn’t had weeks of heartache. We didn’t look like the people who hadn’t kissed their child goodnight in 7 weeks. We didn’t look like the people who had a divorce. For 30 minutes we gave her our whole attention and told her how much we loved her. We told her that no matter what happens we always want her, even if people tell her otherwise. Her face lit up like she had been unsure of that fact recently.
And the normal looking parents pulled their sunglasses back on their face because no, they weren’t crying. I heard another family walk by arguing with their daughter about buying clothes. I wished for a second that was the only issue we had right now. Instead of sitting on a bench trying to handle our most difficult, unending situation.
The time finally came where it was time for us to part ways. Dustin was taking her for a few days and then I would pick her up from him for a few days. We walked down the sidewalk as she held both of our hands wanting us to swing her upwards towards the sky like we did when she was little. Quickly learning she is entirely to tall for that now and I’m entirely too short for that now.
One last hug and kiss for her and off they went to his truck. I stood there briefly watching them, Dustin looking back at me for one more wave. Ten years. Ten years we have managed this. Our family has grown with Hardscape and Dustin’s girlfriend but it is all around one 10-year-old. Somehow it just all keeps going forward, life. It all keeps working out. I turned to head to my truck because all I wanted now, that I knew she was safe with her Daddy, was to sit with Hardscape and exhale for the first time in 7 weeks. And last night I slept, I slept without nightmares.
