When Bill and I took the leap and told people there were plenty of people upset, astonished and down right pissed. My brother (bubbah) included. Him and I were close. Everyone mistook us for twins. We talked often but this would break us for awhile. I finally picked up the phone with Bill by my side one night and called Bubbah. I tried to explain but I dont think it got us anywhere. It was one of the harder conversations I had to have. Bill would always say just wait till people see us together, then they’ll understand. I tried to tell Bubbah that but after we ended that phone call things would remain strained between us for months.
This morning I got a call from my Mom who lives 2 hours away. Something was wrong and she was sick. I jumped in my truck and drive 90 down the highway. I called Bubbah and he helped close the gap by being 45 minutes away from her and Cody filled that gap even more by being 5 minutes away. It was all very stressful and scary.
After an ER run, meds, questions and stress my Mom was in bed sound asleep (drugged up) and Bubbah and I sat in the garage to grab a beer and a deep breath. This was the first time we had to face each other since February alone. The phone calls haven’t been there in months, the late night drunk texts have been gone and I have placed blame on Bill for a lot of that. My brother quit believing in me. He quit looking up to me.
After a few long pulls on our beers he broke the silence. I’m sorry I didn’t get to see you two together. More silence. You doing ok without him. Thanks. Truthfully, no. But better every day.
More silence as we stared at the challenger he is rebuilding.
What color should I paint it?
Just like that…another step taken. Bill and I didn’t just change our lives but our actions chaged the lives and hearts of the people around us. Changed more relationships than we ever imagined. He didn’t just hurt me, he hurt so many more. A belief system was changed. Now I have to work on rebuilding those relationships due to his actions.
I drove the 2 hours back home tonight into the sunset thinking of a comment left on one of my last posts by imerika. There are things I have been leaving out. The dirty stuff because isn’t it always easier to remember the good. The problem is the dirty is what got me to the point that my brother lost faith in me. So like Bubbah and I faced it tonight I will face it sometime over the next few days and answer her questions.
