Last week my therapist informed me I needed to make a new list of goals. Let me start this by saying how much I hate making goals. The goals and plans I made with Bill were the first I was ever excited about. They were the first I made for myself. The first that I really wanted to follow. They were the dreams we were creating together for our lives. The other goals and plans before this were what was expectedof me. Go to college, get a job, start career, marry the man. When you marry the man that you don’t want to it is really freakin hard to be happy about any goals TOGETHER and lets face it, that is all the goals/plans are from there on out.
So I’m reeling on the fact that the last and first time I made goals it all blew up in my face. Awesome. I have to though. It will be good for me. I know that. All I have been focused on is the job part and now everything is looming in the near future scaring the shit out of me. I need to smooth this out a bit.
- Job. Scary part is that it only goes til November. I have one now though.
- Save money. How much? I don’t know. Enough to get a place. And buy EVERYTHING to start again.
- Move. Lets just hit that alone word over the head.
- Start divorce papers.
That is all I have so far. Those are some pretty big points. I probably should narrow them down. Bills probably went like this.
- Carry my clothes back into house.
- Call lawyer and stop divorce proceedings.
- Call to see if I can get out of lease.
- Decide what to do with all the brand new stuff.
Must have been rough. Asshole.
Then there is my real life list. It is close to my bucket list. Those include things like- children, skydiving, going to Alaska, seeing the northern lights, volunteering in Africa at an orphange, adopting a child, see about 20 more Kenny Chesney concerts, deep sea fishing, pay off student loans and so on. Having sex again is also on that list and seems about as far away as China right now. I’m overwhelmed to say the least. One day at a time seems impossible today.
