Happy dance

I put on my lucky underwear with matching bra.  I pulled on his favorite skirt that I haven’t worn since the last time he pulled it off.  My hair was done with care and make up applied.  I slid on my heels and gave myself a pep talk.  A few deep breaths and I walked out the door to the final interview.  45 minutes later I walked out of the modeling agency with a signed contract in my hand and a date set for my first photo shoot for head shots.  ***HAPPY DANCE***

I did it without him. I sat in my truck only blocks from our old house and looked at my life over the past few months.  It is just amazing how quickly things can change.  Him and I were suppose to be settling down.  Working on our home, building a new insurance agency, getting married and having kids.  Instead I’m jumping into two jobs that I know nothing about and have nothing to do with what I have been doing.  I’m doing it on my own and relationships and kids are so far off the mark right now it is ridiculous.  I’m excited and scared shitless all at the same time.  If you told me 4 months ago this is where I would be I would have laughed you right out the door.

I drove by the office and saw his truck sitting there. At first I wanted nothing more than to run into his office and say guess what…! Then I thought to myself for the first time You stupid asshole. THIS is what you walked out on.  THIS is what you gave up.  So sad for you.

I feel like slowly I’m getting to dry land where I don’t have to paddle so hard and I can almost breathe.  Things are falling into place.  I just have to keep doing it without him.  Today is a bright and sunshiny day!!