The room is full, the TV way to loud, bodies everywhere, kids screaming and tugging on your pants. Your mind is racing, trying to handle everything until he walks in the room and no one else may see it but I do, because I have been there. That look. The faint smile that reads across both your lips in acknowledgment that causes both of you to relax a bit, shoulders dropping down, you take a deep breath. You just spent time alone that morning but it seems so long ago and of course it wasn’t enough. It never is.
To many people to notice yet more people to possibly catch you. He grazes his hand across your butt as he walks by to grab a beer. You reach for his hand for an instant by the sink. I tell you no one is watching as you transfer a child between you and steal a quick kiss.
There is no way to sit by each other, the room is packed. Your husband yells at you in front of all your guests. That man on the other side of the room sends you a text and says otherwise and that you are beautiful. Comments are made in conversation that only I would catch the true meaning but everyone else just laughs. Your husband yells some more and even I speak up that he should watch what he says but he is drunk and people think it is funny. You slip into the bathroom to fight off tears and both him and I follow. You lean your head on his chest as I sit on the edge of the tub. It is a simple gesture but one I know well. He whispers I love you and it makes the world ok again. Gives you the power to keep going. I turn my own eyes away because it just brings up my own pain, damn I miss his arms wrapped around me like that.
No one notices when we all emerge from the bathroom to clean the kitchen. Your obnoxious husband slaps my ass. I am not the first person he has tried this with tonight, so he goes to find the only girl in the house who will give him attention. The one you know he is sleeping with. What a tangled mess. The emotions are running deep and things are hanging by a thin wire. But just like me you have responsibilities and things to keep doing. Guests to be attended to, diapers changed, children to bed, messes to clean. You know both men will be there tomorrow but tomorrow is just another day. You look at me but say you would rather continue this way instead of drowning in the nothingness. The nothingness you must see me drown in on my bad days.
He is still there and helps clean up for the night and put the children to bed as your own husband dismisses it all. He takes his own sleeping child in his arms to leave and slips you one more quick kiss. He says a thank you to me as I give him that same warning glance….be careful with her. The door closes softly and you look at me with a great sigh and shrug your shoulders. How the hell did you do this without collapsing? I did it because he stood next to me and I trusted him to catch me.
